DOA 4'S : Battle Of The Retards
by Child's Innocence
Summary: Round 3! THE SPOOKY SEXY ROUND!
1. Round 1 : Ayane Vs Eliot

DOA 4'S Battle Of The Idiots

Round 1 : Ayane Vs. Eliot

Eliot was on the Kyoto Bridge waiting for his opponent. He was surprised he made it this far. As he was watching the sakura fall to the water under the bridge, his thoughts raced with wonder on who his next victi…opponent was. Eliot was deep in thought leaning over the bridge until a hand was placed right on his shoulder.

"Oh great a punk ass little kid…" A voice behind him said.

Eliot turned around to see a purple haired ninja looking girl right behind him with a very annoyed face.

"Well I can already tell you're going to be a bitch." Eliot said smirking.

"What was that?" Ayane spat irritably.

"You heard me you are a B-I-T-C-H." Eliot repeated.

"OH THAT'S IT! COME ON, FIGHT ME YA PANSY!" Ayane got into her fighting position. Eliot did the same.

"GET READY….FIGHT!" The strange voice said out of nowhere.

The two just stared at the sky wondering where the hell the voice came from.

"The fuck.." Eliot and Ayane said at the same time.

"I SAID FUCKING FIGHT YOU DUMBASSES" The voice yelled.

The two got into their positions again and started coming at each other. Ayane started out with a her infamous twirly kick while Eliot started out with a very strong punch. Ayane got punched in the stomach and landed on the ground. She instantly got up, grabbed a very shocked Eliot, and flung him to the ground. Ayane got on top of him and started bitch slapping him ( HinataSunshine: I know its not one of her moves but it would be hilarious if it was ).

Eliot stopped one of her hands and rolled on top of her pinning down both her hands. It looked as though he had the upper hand until…

"RAPE!" Ayane screamed.

"WHAT?" Eliot questioned confused.

"OH THE HUMANITY ! RAPE!RAPE!SOMEONE HELP ME!RAPE!" Ayane kept yelping.

"TIME OUT!" The voice out of nowhere said.

Helena walked out with a bunch of body guard looking down at the two with a disgusted face. One of the bigger body guards came out with a book opening it.

"Uhm…Rule number 246.9: NO SEXUAL ACT TOWARDS OPPONENT AT ANY TIME ON THE ARENA." The guard said gruffly.

" Mr. Eliot you are disqualified from the match. Guards get the sick pervert out of here." Helena said walking off.

Two big guards pulled Eliot off of Ayane who was smirking deviously. Poor Eliot was being dragged off . Ayane waved a goodbye towards him.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I NEVER TOUCHED HER IN ANY UNAPPROPRIATE WAY! I'M TELLING YOU SHE'S FUCKING WITH YOUR HEAD! I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME BITCH AND WE'LL SEE WHO RAPES WHO NEXT TIME! Eliot kept screaming and struggling to break free.

Ayane sweat dropped and laughed anxiously. She waved a last cheerful goodbye and laughed out loud.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like I'm going to the Next Round." Ayane was proud of herself even though she didn't do much of anything.

"I'm hungry, hmm maybe there's a ramen stand somewhere around here" Ayane said walking off scratching her head.

Elsewhere:

Eliot was in a small jail cell struggling to pry the bars off screaming he was going to get the so called BITCH.

"YOU WILL PAY AYANE! YOU'RE ASS IS SO MINE! Wait… that didn't sound right… (00)." Unbeknownst to Ayane she had made a new rival.

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HinataSunshine: Hope you liked it, Chapter 2 will be Ayane Vs. Hayate(Trust me this chapter is somewhat screwed up in so many ways). Well Review if you want to. It would be nice to know if this is a story to continue.)


	2. Round 2: Ayane Vs Hayate

D0A4'S: Battle Of The Retards

Round 2: Ayane Vs. Hayate

Ayane walked out of the ramen shop very full and happy. She decided to take the shortcut through an alleyway to get to her apartment. Ayane was whistling to herself as she walked down the steep, dark, wet alley. A tall masculine figure followed her silently. Ayane was still being herself not knowing that the man was creeping closer to her. She stopped and looked down at her shoes. Ayane bent down to tie her shoes.

"Can't have myself trip now." Ayane hummed. She stood up and went her merrily way. The figure was just behind her and it wrapped its arms around Ayane's waist.

"_Oh god it has to be a rapist…." _Ayane thought to herself. Even though she was a ninja these kind of situations made her freeze. The figure turned her around to face it and Ayane couldn't make out who the person was. The figure made a swift move and kissed her full on the lips. Ayane's heart beated really fast and as soon she felt some tongue she boosted up enough courage to kick it in the groin.

"Owww….Damn Ayane that really hurt." The voiced strained grabbing its special place.

"Who the hell are you?" Ayane asked nervously.

"It's me…." A familiar voice answered.

"And that would be?"

Suddenly a flash of huge light came from behind the person and giant letters illuminated from the sign. The person jumped in front and did a dramatic pose.

"I AM….. YOUR DEAREST HAYATE-SAMA!" Hayate boomed. A bunch of fireworks exploded behind him.

"Oh….Hayate….HAYATE! OH GOD NO, NOT YOU!" Ayane screamed. She tried to scramble off but Hayate jumped from his pose and landed right on top of her shoulders.

Ayane looked like she was giving him a piggy ride. She looked both ways to see that Hayate's legs were wrapped around her neck and she screamed.

"OH GOD GET IT OFF ME!" Ayane tripped on a small kitten and fell face flat.

"But dearest Ayane-Chan, It's me your half-brother." Hayate cooed near her ear.

"AHHHHHHH!" Ayane pushed him off and tried crawling away.

"Ayane pleeeeaaasseee come back…" Hayate purred seductively. He mimicked Ayane and crawled at a faster pace towards her.

"NOOOO STAY AWAY YOU SICK BASTARD! I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER!" Ayane tried crawling faster but Hayate latched on her leg snuggly. He moved himself forward so that he was on top of her.

"Ayane….please just this once." Hayate continued purring while caressing Ayane's cheek.

"OH GOD THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT!" Ayane squealed.

A couple walked by the alleyway to watch the scene.

"Awwww… Honey well why don't you at that." The husband started.

"Young love…It reminds me of the time we met." The wife said holding onto her husband's arm. They continued watching.

"ONII-SAMA THIS ISN'T RIGHT" Ayane yelled rather loudly.

"BUT I LOOOOOVVVVEEE YOOOUUU!" Hayate said dramatically.

"STILL THIS IS WRONG!" Ayane continued while struggling to break free.

"To me this is heaven." Hayate purred softly while rubbing his face on Ayane's neck.

The couple stared shocked and disgusted.

"Honey did she just call him Onii-Sama?" The wife asked nervously.

"I think she did. OH GOD THIS IS WRONG, COME ON HONEY AND HURRY!" The husband pulled his wife away quickly and ran off.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Ayane screeched.

"I'll make it all better love." Hayate whispered in her ear.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, A tall dark building loomed over. Lightning crackled in the back. An evil feminine laugh boomed out. This building had a large sign across the top of it. **Hayate/Ayane Fan Corp. AKA : Incest Anonymous.** The evil voice laughed out again. Inside a man walked in fearfully towards a desk with a chair facing the window.

"Ummmm…Miss…We have a large order of Hayate/Ayane Lemon Fanfics that just came in and the public is demanding more than the total amount." The man said shivering.

"Excellent….The Gamers and Otakus can't get their grubby little hands of our precious treasures." The evil woman's voice echoed throughout the room.

"But Ma'am we just don't have enough.!" He answered quietly.

"Oh really…. Well then we'll just have to hire more Fans to do the writing. Even I can't get enough of these delicious Fics."

"Yes Ma'am." He stared down shaking.

Suddenly the chair turned around and there sat Kasumi smiling deviously.

"Oh and Ryu…" Kasumi started as Ryu was walking off.

"Ummmm….Yes?" Ryu turned around trying to avoid her eyes.

"Make sure the Fics are only of the hottest and most lemony quality." Kasumi smirked.

"Yes…. Ma'am."

"IT WILL BE THE MOST LEMONY LEMON SCENTED FANFIC IN THE WORLD MWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kasumi roared with laughter as she jumped up on the desk.

"Of course Miss. Kasumi." Ryu started to walk out but was stopped.

"Oh Ryu please do call me master." She said calmly.

"Yes Master."

"Good Boy now come over here and lick my boots." Kasumi smirked.

Back in the alleyway-

Ayane struggled as Hayate still laid on top of her. Hayate looked down at her and smiled seductively.

"Ayane…..please stay still." Hayate said in a whiny voice.

" HELL NO!" Ayane squirmed underneath. This was the worst day of her life. Suddenly she felt Hayate's pelvis thrust on her. Ayane froze instantly.

"Ayane….pleeeeaaasseee." Hayate continued his little phase.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ayane couldn't take it any longer. She pushed Hayate off with full force and ran towards the street. She dodged all the traffic and ran towards her apartment building. She raced up the stairs took her keys and unlocked the door. Ayane slammed it shut locked it heavily again and ran towards her bedroom. She got in her bed and hid under the covers looking fearfully around her room. Ayane sighed with relief only until she felt a strong build lay on top of her. Hayate's face popped out from under the covers. He smiled playfully.

"Frisky are we." He cooed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"Ayane jumped from the covers and ran off full speed to the street. As she ran she heard a voice behind her.

"AYANE MY KOIBITO COME BACK!" Hayate yelled running after her.

"_Oh god he's gaining on me! What do I do!" _

"Aha the old parking lot!" Ayane ran towards the lot and sat down to rest.

"He'll …never find me here." Ayane panted.

"Ohhhhhh wampaku imoto-san

"Oh god no….it can't be." Ayane muttered. She looked up and saw Hayate leaning in a sexy pose against a car only a few feet away. Hayate winked at her.

"Did you really think you could escape me my little pet?" Hayate started walking over stripping off his clothes.

"_This is it I'm going to lose my innocence to my own brother."_ Ayane shut her eyes tight and waited for the worst.

All of a sudden out of nowhere a semi-truck ran over him. It was a familiar truck. The name BASS was scrawled in metal on the front. Bass jumped out and looked at the front of his truck.

"I mus've run over the lil feller. But jus look ere on the fron of mer truck. Git 'is bleerd all over mer fron." Bass muttered in a southern accent. ( To tell you the truth I do not know any country slang so please forgive me.)

Ayane blinked a few times and started walking off. A voice came out of nowhere.

"WINNER!"

"Well I guess that was a match against my brother and I won." Ayane shrugged and went back to her place. She was tired.

Unbeknownst to Ayane a tanned arm lifted out of the ground behind her.

Meanwhile At Incest Anonymous.

"MA'AM FLAMERS ARE AT OUR DOORS! WHAT DO WE DO?" Ryu panicked.

"Damn those vile rabid Fangirls. They won't stop until they have Hayate back to life." Kasumi muttered.

"Huh?" Ryu looked up at the CEO.

"Do you know what this means Ryu?" Kasumi looked at him sternly.

"No Master, What?"

"IT MEANS WE HAVE TO GET CHILD'S INNONCENCE TO WRITE A SEXY ROUND THREE OF AYANE VS. HAYATE!" Kasumi said pointing to the dark corner of her office.

"I see you're predicament." I said coming out of the shadows in a cat suit.( It's a fancy of mine )

"I'm begging you write a Round 2 PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEE!" Kasumi said through sobs.

"Now, now, no groveling. I will ensure a round 3 in a HOTTER, SEXIER WAY!"

"THANK YOU! WE THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Kasumi chocked words while bowing low on the ground.

"I must be off! EARTH , WIND , AND FIRE BACK TO THE SHIRE!" I threw a gas bomb down and disappeared.

" Now all we can do is wait." Kasumi said standing up looking down hatefully at all the flamers.

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Well I hope you liked it. And I am being serious about writing Round 3: AYANE VS. HAYATE. IT'S GOING TO BE HOTTER, SEXIER, AND A LITTLE UNCUT! WOOOOHHOOOOOOOO!


	3. Round 3: Eliot Vs Ayane The Battle

Round 3: Hayate's RETURN!

Ayane walked back to her apartment room #302. She forgot to shut the door the last time she ran out but it's not like she had the time. Ayane shrugged, shut the door, and waltzed off towards the bathroom for a shower.

"_Damn it all."_ Ayane thought to herself as she pulled off her clothes and saw the bruises Hayate gave her during his '_glomping'._

"At least he's gone for now….." She muttered. Ayane stepped into the shower enjoying the feeling of the warm water. Ayane reached down for the hair shampoo and lathered it through her short purple hair. As she was washing it off she felt a hand rub up against the back of her head. She gasped and turned around but saw no one else but herself.

"I must be tired." Ayane told herself taking quick, cautious looks around the bathroom. She stepped out of the shower and looked at her spooked face. Ayane stood there for a few moments and finally snapped back to herself. "I'm being stupid".

Ayane dried herself off and started to brush her hair. She watched herself brush it casually in the mirror. As she kept combing she saw that her reflection wasn't doing the same. She watched as her reflection placed the brush down and plaster a sly smile on it's face. This scared the hell out of her. It reached out and grabbed Ayane's neck and tried to pull her in. Ayane struggled and the hand released her almost instantly. She looked back up and saw herself breathing hard.

"What…th-h-he fuck was that?" She gasped through her words.

Ayane rushed out the bathroom shutting the door behind her quickly. Ayane stopped shaking her head cursing to herself.

"Damn, I must really be tired…but even if I was tired **THAT **would never happen."

She decided that she would kick back and watch the TV. She fell onto her couch and flipped on the tube. As she flipped through the channels the TV started to fizz a bit.

"Hmmm…?"

"_And it seems small an-n-nimals…..crickets f-l-l…t-h-he…natural b-b-balance…zzzzzzt"_

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt..._

_**Click**_

"What the…?" Ayane walked up to her TV. She checked the wiring to see if it broke. No. There's nothing wrong. She tried pressing the button on the TV but it wouldn't turn on.

"Damn, guess I'll call the cable guy tomorrow.." Ayane turned off the lamp in the living room and walked towards her room. She sat on her bed for a moment looking around. She shrugged and got under the sheets lowering her eyes. For some reason she couldn't get comfortable. Some thing weird and stringy was at her waist. She grouchily flipped on her bedside lamp and pulled the substance from under the covers. She wearily looked at it a moment trying to adjust her eyes on it. When sight became clear she screamed and threw it across the room.

"W-w-h-a-at the hell…" Ayane perched up on her bed a stared at the lock of red hair she flung. Ayane couldn't reassure herself anymore. Something was going on. Ayane got up and opened the door. Just as she was going to out to the living room she heard a noise come from her kitchen. Ayane stood there hoping to get a glimpse of what it was. A hand came out from behind the cabinet, then another, and finally a full body came out slithering across the floor. Ayane looked at it in horror when she noticed that it was the bloody, mangled corpse of Hayate. She placed one foot back but knocked a book from behind off a shelf.

"_Shit.."_

The corpse turned to look at Ayane. She screamed as the corpse started to crawl towards her. Ayane shut the door fast locking it tight. Her heart pounding in her ears. Without thinking she climbed in her bed hiding under the covers. She peeked out staring at the door. Ayane yelped as she saw a shadow from under the door halt in front. She screamed bloody murder as it moved under the crack with ease. Hayate's bloody face looked up at her with wide eyes reaching its hand out to her. Ayane moved out of the sheets but kicked the lamp while doing so. The lamp laying on the floor left eerie shadows looming over. Ayane cried and gasped out words for help. Hayate's corpse crawled around the bed facing Ayane. She screamed for help again but to no avail. She closed her eyes tight. Ayane opened them again. Nothing was there. She could not believe it. Ayane sat there sprawled against the wall. She turned her head but to her horror Hayate's head turned to look at her. Ayane screamed as Hayate hung upside down right next to her.

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Ayane squeezed her eyes tiredly. She opened them to see that she was on the floor of the shower. The water was still on pouring on her. Ayane got up wearily and turned off the water. She kept her balance by holding onto the shower bar. She slowly made her way out. Ayane stopped in front of the mirror rubbing her head.

"What a hell of a dream…how long have I been out for….?" Ayane muttered to herself. By the looks of it she had been out for an hour. Ayane dried off, put her nightgown on, and headed out of the bathroom. Ayane strutted towards the kitchen. She looked at the clock on the stove._ 11:00p.m._ "Damn….Bedtime for me." Ayane shrugged her dream off. It was awkward that it was not bothering her. She just took as a result of watching too many scary films. Ayane shut the door behind her and slithered herself under the covers. Her eyes lowering heavily with fatigue, she tried to drift off to sleep. Ayane woke up and lifted her eyes the cat clock on the wall. _1:00 a.m._ "Shoot it's still early…." Ayane murmured. She shifted a little forcing herself to go back to sleep. Sadly, she did not feel tired. Ayane went to turn on her bedside lamp.

**Click**

The light on the lamp refused to turn on. "Huh…." Ayane felt strange. Ayane's night clothes were different. Instead of the light purple kimono she threw on, there was awkward looking lingerie enclosed around her body. "The hell…." She looked down at herself. High stockings that strapped to her underwear and a frilly revealing shirt that wasn't there before.

"Well,well,well….my pet has awakened." A eerily familiar voice purred from the front of her bed. Ayane slowly looked up in horror at the man she thought was dead. Hayate stood looking down at her with lust in his eyes. "I-t-t…No-o-o…" Ayane couldn't grasp the words. He stood there with a creepy black leather thong with a S& M hat on his head. If that wasn't enough he had a whip in his hands and handcuffs at his side. Ayane looked up in fear and knew she was in a bumpy ride for tonight.

"Miss me love?" Hayate continued purring as he walked around the bed not taking his eyes off Ayane.

"HELL N.."

"Shhhh…" Hayate put a finger to her mouth.

"Now, now….be a good girl or I'll have to punish you."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Hayate snapped the whip out on the floor. Ayane fell silent.

"Good girl….Now lay down for your master." Hayate pushed Ayane onto the bed and crawled atop of her.

"_This is it….I'M GOING TO LOOSE MY VIRGINITY TO MY HALF-BROTHER!"_

Suddenly the door slammed open and there stood Eliot. Ayane looked hopefully towards the door. Eliot certainly beefed up from the last time she fought him. He dressed in war attire and black paint was smeared across his mean face.

"I'M BAAAAAAACCCCKKKK BITCH!" Eliot boomed.

"Grrrrr….Interruption again" Hayate growled.

"ELIOT HELP! MY BROTHER IS GONNA RAPE ME IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING!" Ayane screamed.

"Oh I'll do something Bitch and IT'S FAR FROM HELPING!" Eliot replied as he pulled out a bazooka.

"Ohhhh dear…" Ayane groaned.

"Hmmmm…..Shit" Hayate bluntly said.

The room exploded and debris from her apartment flew everywhere. Ayane stood up coughing. Fire surrounded her. Ayane looked around to see if she was the only one who survived the blast. Sadly, she was not. Eliot, unharmed, stomped over towards her. Hayate was nowhere to be seen.

Ayane saw that Eliot stopped and looked her up and down. She looked down and blushed red. Ayane's lingerie was, well not there anymore. "Ummmm awkward moment."

"Ayane-Bitch san I can see you are not ready for boobies..I mean battle. I expect you to be here tomorrow and fight me properly." Eliot said quickly glancing away feeling his pants grow tight.

"Ummm..Okay" Ayane ran off.

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Kasumi growled angrily and looked at me with evil fiery eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL!YOU SAID THIS WAS GOING TO BE SEXY,HOT, AND UNRATED!"

"Ummmm…well…hmmm. I umm was Lazy?" I said timidly.

"YOU BETTER WRITE ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS OR AT LEAST SOMETHING SIMILAR!NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

I disappeared into the darkness as quick as I could.

"Hopefully she'll live up to her word this time. For her life's sake."

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Child's Innocence: Ummm…Awkward Chapter Huh? Well, Next round is Eliot Vs. Ayane-The Remake. Trust me Hayate is not finished yet. Oh and If you want a certain character to show up than review and tell me. Sayonara.


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